Aristotelian Academy for Astute Answers (AAAA)

We wanted our unique new organization to be A1, so we looked for A’s. We found that AA was taken away by Alcoholics Anonymous, AAA by American Automobile Association;so we patent for ourselves “AAAA” before that too is grabbed by, for instance:

the Asian American Anthropologist Association,

or Abject Apologists (for the)Armenian Army,

or Adorable Anthology of Awesome Accolades

or Asian Acrobats of Astonishing Audacity,

or Arab Association of Ashkanazi Adversaries,

or Arrogant Aristocrats of Andalusian Archipelago.

Some of the above may, in fact, be taken, but I didn’t think they would sue me for patent infringement.

The first creation of AAAA was an ad for its services:

An Ad for AAAA

The title : “Heaven Only Knows”

The subtitle: “and What the heaven doesn’t know, we know”

"Have you ever wondered what the meaning of life is? Want to know? If you do, you do not have to wait anymore. If you want the answer please enroll for the low, low price for a limited time only; the price – no, not 99.99, not 59.99, not even
39.99; it is just 29.99. You will get a link. if you want the answer, click on this link”

- A Response from a ‘Confused Client’

“Sir, there must be some technical glitch. The sample link you sent me to find an answer to the meaning of life was blank. Please send me the correct link.

Yours in a hurry to find MOL,

Confused Client”

AAAA’s Astute Answer:

“Sir, we have received your email
complaint: “I clicked on your link for an answer to the meaning of life. It was blank." Alas, we beg to differ. The answer that you are seeking is already there.

Yes, there were, not just one, but two answers. We give more than we promise:

The first answer is what you found in the link. You found nothing, right? Yes, life by itself is an empty vessel containing nothing. Life has no intrinsic meaning. You have to fill it if you care enough. Hence, an empty link.

The Second answer: If there is a meaning to your life, the link is silent on the issue because no one else can give it to you. You have to find it yourself.

There you have it – Two for one. If you want more such answers, please enroll for the low low price of $99.99 for an online course. The tapes last from 20 minutes to a hundred. Our lessons will arrive full
of beautiful silence and more silence.

We send you below, free of charge, a random tiny treasure of our astute answers from our archives"

Monday 3 December 2018

Advise to a bride

[ From our Cynical Sayings Division]

Do not correct your mate in public, but give him a chance to correct you. For nothing gives a man more pleasure than appearing superior to you by correcting you in front of his audience.
Do not make a fool of your man in front of others; do so, by all means, in private so he knows you know.
We spell Perfection with ‘ksh’
No one is immune to flattery; Flattery greases the doors of the relationships so you can walk in without creaking noises alerting the insider. Wheels of social intercourse run smoothly with regular greasing by flattery.
And know that behind every tree stands a man envious of his neighbor and ready to shoot him in the bottom if he can get away with it.
Thank God for cowardice; Peace is a direct product of the fear of being beaten up if one threw a punch.

Proverbs

When the old leaf falls, the young leaf laughs
The guy who ate the fruit escaped; the guy who ate the skin got caught
The earliest instance of ‘forgot your password?’ was in Aladin’s adventures when the bandits forgot ‘open sesame’ and see what happened.
There are neighborhoods where when the mothers tell their kids ‘take care, child. If they ask you for anything whatsoever, you just give it to them’, they are not talking about muggers, they are talking about cops.
Being on stage is like standing for election. Every vote counts even if the voter is dumb, dumb, dumb. Einstein applauding is no more valuable than Tom, dick or Harry doing it. An artist needs applause like a politician needs votes. The motivation to work at your art ultimately depends on whether anyone cares.